If anyone out is there is confused what true love looks like, I think I have the cure. Check out some beautiful images of the the first same-sex marriages in New York State this past weekend.
It bears mentioning that, besides being happy-weddingy-photos (which I already love), these images document almost unfathomably long walks down the aisle. The first Manhattan couple, Phyllis Siegel, 77, and Connie Kopolev, 85, have been together for 23 years. For 23 years, these two women stood by each other's other's sides, through the the good time and the bad, in sickness and in health. They've withstood having their relationship given second-rate status, and through everything, continue to love each other. To me, that's what marriage is all about... For Siegel and her wife Kopolev, their Sunday wedding doesn't define their relationship... they've been a committed couple for years. This wedding does something more important, something that straight people have been afforded for decades. This wedding, and the accompanying legal certificate, make their love official, make a public declaration of their commitment for each other. After a 23 year walk down the aisle, it is much, much deserved.
Perhaps I'm feeling extra-sentimental about all of this because I'm getting ready to plan my own wedding. For the Donald and I, it is extremely important that our friends (many of whom are gay) and our family both feel welcome and really embraced by how we choose to celebrate our union. For me, I do feel some guilt about all of this: about how easy it is for me to get married in the first place, since the person I love is my biological opposite. I'm a member of Offbeat Bride, and spend a lot of time on the "Tribe Forum," reading ideas and advice. There are a number of bride-bride couples planning lovely ceremonies that really express the nature of their love for one another, and capture the hopes and dreams these women have for their now-united future. It's always mitigated for me however by knowing that many of these loving couples live in parts of the U.S. where their "wedding" cannot be an official one. I am blown away by their determination and dedication to each other, and saddened that only some love is considered "good love" in my country.
I wonder sometimes how many straight couples would make it to the altar if their relationships were put to the kind of tests that same-sex couples face on a daily basis. If I knew that my partner would be the other half of my heart, but not on my tax return, my health insurance, or maybe not in the eyes of some people I know, how would that effect our relationship? Would the stress of all of that, day after day, take its toll? Would a number of straight couples fall apart if they had to prove everyday that they were in fact legitimate? I sometimes wonder if things like gay marriage would be less of an issue in the U.S. if it weren't for this automatic privileging and desperate need to cling to that which is "normal."
So much of American politics reminds me of what it must be like for a goth girl growing up with "normal," average, middle-of-the-road kind of parents. To her well-meaning parents, she seems to be acting out, rebelling, proving a point, going through a phase she'll certainly have to grow out of. It seems to me however that she's instead just trying to live her life, in the way that feels most logical and right for her. Which is really what we all do from day to day... It would be really good however for us "normal" people to keep our noses out of everybody else's business, and let everyone get on with living their lives, just like we try to do.
For Connie and Phyllis, and all the newlyweds, many many MORE years of joy!
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