"That Girl" Misses!

I’ve been thinking a lot about a good friend of mine the past few weeks. It’s been a long time since we’ve spoken, and worlds (both of ours) have changed in that time. For awhile, we were very close. It’s rare for me to find someone that I feel like I don’t have to explain myself to, but that they “get” me. When I was having a down day, I never had to explain what was going on, or why I wasn’t able to be in a good mood etc. This friend and I had that kind of friendship, and it was awfully nice. We'd go to see a lot of movies, then go out for a beer and dissect them ad nauseum. We'd talk comic books, regular fiction, and trade dating stories. While we were friends, we were both in (and out) of relationships with other people, and it never really complicated our friendship, even though he and I were close. But, as happens, things changed, and it’s been two years since we’ve really spoken. I’ve been wanting a chat with him, mostly as I’m doing so much creative writing right now, which touches on his preferred creative outlet. I could use some advice, and just a little experienced encouragement, I guess. But, he’s married now, and my spidey senses tell me that’s probably why we’ve lost touch; he doesn’t need a friend like me anymore, I suppose.

I have to admit though, that sometimes, even though it’s been awhile (and months will pass when I don’t think of it), sometimes I really miss our friendship. We used to bounce ideas off of each other, in our different creative pursuits, and I wish, now that I’m working so hard to find my artistic voice, sometimes that I could call him or send him an email to throw some ideas at him. I suppose it makes me think a lot about trust and about the need to maintain friendships (especially those with people of the opposite sex) when one gets into a romantic relationship.

I just got off the phone with The Donald because, as I’ve been thinking about his friend of mine, I’ve been wondering if I make it hard for Donald to stay in touch with his female friends (some of whom are exes). I’m not a particularly jealous person, and do try really hard to let him know that not only do I not mind his girl-friends, but that I like the fact that he has them. I am human however, and sometimes feel a little competiveness (internal, not coming from him). I want him to have those friendships though, as they’re important for him, and ultimately, good for our relationship too. I wouldn’t want to put him in a situation where he felt like he couldn’t talk to them. Fortunately, he concurred – I don’t make that hard for him, and he certainly doesn’t for me either.

I suppose there’s really no point to all of this. I ‘m just missing a particular friendly voice in my life, and really don’t have much confidence that we’ll be friends anytime again, certainly not in the near future. It does however make me much more aware of my own behaviour, and a real need to help both the Donald and I to be sure that we can maintain our friendships and our relationship simultaneously. While I do miss this friend of mine, I suppose that, if nothing less, this is an important lesson to learn, and a crucial commitment that I can make to myself and the Donald. So that’s something.